November 13

I don't usually dwell on this day.  And I tell people who struggle with the anniversary of deaths that it gets better.  That one day you just won't remember this day.  One day you will celebrate instead of crying.  And I have celebrated for a long time.  But today I am sad.

Dale said around 6:45am that today is Friday the 13th.  And for some reason it hit my like a ton of bricks.  You died on November the 13th and it was a Friday.  I don't think there has been a Friday the 13th in November since and if there has, I didn't recognize it.

And as the morning ticked by I thought about that morning.  As I tied my running shoes I thought, "this is about the time Mom called and told me to go get Phoebe."  She said, "He has fallen and you need to come. He is pretty banged up, he hit his face."  I called Paw Creek, arranged to meet Phoebe and we drove to Durham.  I didn't realize it was the end until Dolly called.  We were almost to Duke.  "How far are you?  We are holding his hand and telling stories."

We held your hand, we said good bye.  Mary answered questions we didn't know to ask.  And now as I write and look at the clock, I think at this point we were going to get pie and coffee.  We didn't know what else to do.  Daddy would have gone for pie!  I sat in my car and called Drew from the parking lot.  And now Drew is gone too.

I ran today in a Run for Reta shirt.  And Reta is gone.  It is a beautiful day.  I am sad.  But they all would have loved this day.  I may cry a little bit more, but I am going to celebrate them all when my tears are dry.

Cancer sucks, suicide sucks.

Mother's Day is Everyday

During all the hoopla of Mother's Day at church I began to think what this day really means.  And I am sure some of you believe it is a day that mothers should be pampered and given gifts.  All that is nice but all I wanted was a pair of jeans.  I didn't tell anyone that so of course, I did not get them.

What I got was some handpicked daisies and lots of homemade cards and notes.  Each child made things in Sunday School and in their classrooms that I will treasure.  I love the notes that say how old I am and how much I weigh and what the like doing with me.  As a 4 year old David said I was 8 feet tall and weighed 600 pounds!

My kids sing in the Children's Choir.  This Mother's Day the lucky moms got to sing with them.  It was a very sweet song.  They sang a verse, then we sang and we finished the song together.  But I stood in front of my congregation and my eyes kept falling on my friend, Katie.

One of Katie's dear friends has Ovarian Cancer.  She is in Hospice care and she is my age.  Her boys are young tweens.  Katie went to visit last week.  Then she ran a race on Saturday to raise money for Ovarian Cancer research.  Katie ran with all her heart.  I think I would have fallen on the road and cried.

Katie sat with her daughter on Mother's Day crying on her shoulder.  I choked on my words.  I don't sing well anyway!  My sweet son held my hand.  And then it hit me.  Mother's Day isn't about my kids thanking me for what I have done as their mother.  It is about me realizing how blessed I am to be a mother.  Not everyone who wants to be a mother can be.  Not everyone does it well.  Some mothers have difficult children.  Some mothers can't keep their children.  Sure there are struggles and weary times.  But for the most part my children are wonderful!  Wonderful combinations of my family and my husband's.  Nothing is sweeter than all three of them belly laughing at each other!

God has given me these three kids when he thought I needed them.  I didn't think I needed a third at 40!  But he is such a blessing.  God knew I needed that little guy.  He makes me laugh.  And he is quick to hug me and tell me he loves me.

How lucky am I to teach my daughter that she is beautiful and smart and sweet and strong!  That she can do whatever she wants.  And that she will never let me down.

I am blessed to learn baseball and video games and girl crushes from my oldest.  He is so much fun! I cross my fingers and pray every day that he continues on this path, that my husband and I keep him on this path.  He is such a treasure.  And I am so lucky to call him mine!

So from here on out to me Mother's Day is going to be one of the many days that I think God for making me a mother!

Mother's Day 2015
David 10, Blakely 8 and Thomas 5

Make up and Spring cleaning!

It is spring and that urge to clean has taken a’hold of me!  I have found it is much easier to toss the

things other people own than it is my own.  But I am learning to let go.  I have let go of those cute sparkly jeans that I will never fit into again!  I just won’t!  On Saturday I let go of some make up. 

I know you are only supposed to hang on to it for a year.  I wasn’t wearing any of it.  My old roommate, Rebecca worked for Clinique.  All their make up comes in silver and mint green containers.  Just looking at it gives you a pretty and clean feeling.  I had so many of those rectangular silver eye shadow boxes!  I had colors for every outfit and every occasion. 

But times have changed for me.  Clinique is not cheap and we have three kids.  I run and teach yoga and wear very little make up.  Some days I don’t wear any, I love those days!  But I still held on to those silver boxes.

I think they reminded me of a sweet time in my life.  I had some great friends, a fun job and I could pull off wearing eyeshadow called Pink Chocolate (yes, a brown/pink combo) or Spring Wedding (it was green)  or Waterblues or Barely There.  

I held on to them because they made me think of friends I made and don't talk to any more.  You know the saying, 'some people come into your life and stay and some stay for a short while; but they are all there for a reason.'  They reminded me of a job I had that was probably one of the best examples of team work I have ever experienced.   

We were in our mid 20's.  Some in school, some not, all of us trying to define ourselves and what we wanted to be.  We waited tables in a locally owned restaurant.  It wasn't fine dining but it wasn't Applebee's either.  We helped each other out, we learned from each other and we supported each other.  These people drove two and half hours to be with me after my dad died.  We bailed each other out.  We drove each other home.  We laughed and we cried.  For about two years we worked together without much drama between us.  Then slowly we all scattered.  

Racefest!

I ran Racefest on April 11, 2015. My first half marathon was this same race in 2008. I have learned a lot in those years!   Jennifer Posey and I started out together running 4:45 and walking 45

Bunny Run 5k 2011

seconds.  Our training was derailed and we just wanted to finish.  We did great until mile 7 and that dang Sharonview hill!  UGH!  I just couldn't hang with her.  But we are good about that.  We have that understanding, that if you feel better then me, go ahead.  So she went ahead.

I went from an 11 minute pace to about a 12:30.  The hills were brutal and I was not prepared to run 13.1 miles, much less 13.1 hilly miles.  My legs were cramping.  I tried to keep the run/walk pace up but it was hard.  I walked a lot.  The last mile has two hills in it.  I ran/walked the first one.  The last one I told myself I had to run up.  My calves were cramping so terribly I thought I might have to crawl.  I did the Margaret Hagerty shuffle up the hill.  I finished 11 minutes faster than the first half marathon I ran on the same course.  And much like the first run, I had to sit down.

I was drinking a beer at 10:15am.  And Michalob Ultra?  Really?  If I have run 13.1 miles and burned about 1400 calories I can have a real beer!  Which I did later that night!

I ran the next Monday and then not again for ten days.  I didn't wear my Garmin either time.  I didn't use any music.  I have workout in other ways.  I have found some fun yoga to do.

I may run tomorrow, because it will be cool.  Running and I aren't completely broken up, we are just slowing down for now.

Dear Running, Its not you, its me...

Dear Running,

We have been together for a long time!  On and off for about 20 years.  But I think it is time we take a break.  I love you but I am not in love with you any more.  Its not you, it is me!

Love, Meg

Salisbury NC July 2013

I started running when I moved to Charlotte in the late nineties.  I had always been a walker but one day it was going to rain so I had to get home fast!  I had no Garmin or dri-tech clothes and my shoes were old.  But I liked it.  I ran Peachtree with Ivey and The Charlotte Observer 10k with Ken.  I ran several short races with Sherry.  I was never fast but I had fun.

Then I got married and had kids.  Baby weight!  What could I do in the least amount of time and burn the most calories? Run!  That is how it really started.  My daughter was a few months old, it was getting warmer (she was born in February) so I laced up my shoes.  Ivey coached me virtually through my first half marathon with a grand old time of 2:53!  I sat down at the end to take the chip off my shoe and swore, "Never again!"  But I did it again and again and again.  Tomorrow I run my sixth half marathon.  I have run two 10-milers and more 5k's and 10k's than I can count.  Add in four mud runs, several trail runs, yep, I am a runner.

Running is hard for me.  I am a mental person.  It is easy to tell myself, "You are hot, you need to stop."  "You can't go fast."  "Is this over yet?"  But I made myself run because starting over was so much harder than those 30-50 minutes it took to run 3-5miles three times a week.

I have never been fast. And that has always been okay.  I have won awards a time or two.  But I look at those as an award for getting out of bed and doing it.  I can run in a group or alone. But I think it is time for a break.  My knee hurts, my hips hurt and I just don't love to hit the pavement any more.  My training for this past half has been terrible.  I can't make myself do it.  I don't care.

I think I am writing to give myself permission to take a break.  Running in the summer in North Carolina is the worst possible form of exercise.  I promise.  It is hot, humid and you sweat like crazy.  I hate it!  I forced myself to run three times a week last summer.   It wasn't pretty and I didn't like it.  I love to exercise, I love the way it makes me feel but I no longer love running.

So for the summer, at least, I am going to take a break.  I am going to do more yoga, ride my bike, swim and hang out with my FiA friends more!  (If you don't know FiA or F3, check it out! I highly recommend!)  I will run some, when I want to, but I won't let myself feel like I have to.

Running and I may get back together in the fall.  We will just have to see how it goes.